This past week I feel as if I’ve been suffering and so pessimistic about this program. Even up to just a bit ago I felt as if my purpose here has been meaningless because I was not able to feel God near. But God reached out to me while on a bus ride to Mexico. And in a song! God has such strange timing! Its been forever since I’ve felt his touch. And its been so discouraging and caused me to envy people who have felt God moving within them. I came to this retreat/mission trip in search of God but was not able to see Him in any of the programs here. Everything so far has just been cheesy and high school like. It hasn’t benefited or fed my spiritual walk at all. What have I learned since I’ve been here? Nothing. This devastated me.
But after leaving the conference for some reason God decided to reveal Himself to me. Why now? I have no clue. Maybe God was waiting for me to breakdown and become vulnerable. Maybe God wanted me to rid my immature thinking. Who am I to rush God? Have I forgotten that I am nothing compared to the all powerful and wonderful God? I needed to be humbled and that’s exactly what He did to me. But I’ve found what I’ve been looking for. And I’m so happy that it happened this way. Just a moment ago I was able to feel His presence, His warmth, His reassurance and His voice. Its been so long since I was able to feel so relieved and happy.
After listening to ” You hold me now” I was reminded of His never-ending love and grace for me. All my doubts disappeared and I was instantly reminded that God always fulfills His promises and never forgets you. ‘
No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding
You hold me now You hold me now
In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there’s a greater day
There’s a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I’m believing for the day
“In this life I will stand through my joy and my pain knowing there’s a greater day. There’s a hope that never fails.” I must not forget him in my sorrow because it is only through him that there is no suffering nor pain. Till now I’ve been feeling so tired and annoyed with everything, but this song has helped me to remember that through God there is a better future. Maybe God has waited this long so that I could focus on the people around me rather than myself. I can’t wait to find out. Right now were at the border of mexico. I’m so excited and have a totally new mind set for the remaining part of the program now :D I can already feel that God is going to do amazing things! We are all in His hands and He always holds onto us.
