i’m sharing this because it hasnt left my head. i’m hoping that by letting it out i’ll get over it.

since the start of wayne i’ve been searching for a christian organization to join. after encountering one known as the IYF, and meeting the people, i decided to join. the people were supa nice and i thought it’d be spiritually fulfilling since i did not have a church to attend. after a month into it, the organization then discussed what i found very similar to be a missions trip to mexico. volunteers were wanted to teach at an english camp to mexicans! it was exactly what i wanted. a cheap missions trip to go out and do the Lord’s work. i was totally psyched. couple of weeks passed and then i started to feel sluggish toward the whole thing and the organization. not sure why but i just was not motivated to go. after feeling bad for skippin a few meetings i finally decided to go to a bible seminar.

after the bible seminar, a lady from the church’s organization approached me for some “fellowship time”. (fellowship time to them means to review over what we learned in the bible seminar. -_-) anywho, she came up to me and asked me of my thoughts of the what the pastor said and stuff. i then told her that i agreed about what the pastor said and that it was very lifting. blah blah after a while she asked if i was a christian and what kind of activities i did in church. after explaining to her about my church and the good works i’ve done with them. she then asked me if i believed if i had sin in my heart and knowing that we are all not perfect and are very capable to sinning I courageously said yes. then BOOM! her attacks started. anywho, to make the long story short, she basically told me that since Jesus came and died for us NO ONE was capable of sinning and that we did no longer need to ask for forgiveness. Even those who didn’t believe in Jesus Christ. 0_0  Then she went off and told me that everything that I’ve done with my church has only been for my own glory and not good enough for nor did i do it for it God. And then after hearing that I believed that I had sin in my heart she then claimed my church to be evil and teaching me evil thoughts. seriously. she basically attacked the heck out of me and made me feel so uncomfortable I wanted to just yell at her to back off and leave. But i didnt, instead i stayed listening to her lecture the heck out of me for an hour until I was almost crying. ahh.. i remember feeling so confused and doubtful. Never have I EVER doubted my faith. after hearing what she said I then began to question all that I’ve ever done, my church and what was taught. i felt so empty, lost and insecure.

luckily my amazing boyfriend was able to calm me down and reassure me of my faith. after talking to him i was able to realize that i was attacked and that what i heard from her was not necessarily Biblically true. 0_0 anywho. i was able to regain my thoughts and come to a conclusion that IYF is not for me. haha… not only am i bitter, i’ve yet to confront the organization about some stuff but i feel that the whole organization’s belief doesnt exactly correlate with what i believe in.

however the whole situation helped me with my own faith. it challenged me to rethink why i believed in what i believe in and how to handle such situations. i think i was getting sluggish toward the organization to begin with because God didnt exactly put my heart into it. and then the whole incident just confirmed it. :/ idk. i learned a lot though. i am now stronger in my faith and more confident.

anywho. my journey with the iyf doesnt end here. this is just part one. haha.. i’ll type up the rest lata. night.